Killing Time

Some call me insensitive.
Others shout and say,
Look, a murder!
Look, a killer!

And they speak the truth.
For I am insensitive to,
a murder and killer of
Time.

Oh how I am insensitive to it!
I meander so long in the past.
I wander so far into the future.
I fail to be present to it now.

I look at what I cannot control
and try to wrestle it from the hands of God.
Rather than look at what is already in my hands
and do what I can at the present moment.

And Time passes on to the grave.
It makes its temporality known.
As it drags the present through my hands like sand
as I look off towards a distant horizon.

I am too impatient to wait and see what unfolds
to trust in the slow work of God.
I am too focused on what has happened
to be aware of God's tender touch now.

Yet Jesus did not kill Time but rather,
he brought it to life, with his own life.
Then what am I to do but struggle to be Christ-like
and bring Time alive by being present to it with my own life?

Then I must take my gaze off the horizon
and be aware of what is present in my hands.
But giving Time the life it deserves
requires attempting one of the hardest tasks of all.

Trusting God.