St. Ignatius of Loyola: The Pilgrim

Today I sat down again with Eyes to See, Ears to Hear: An Introduction to Ignatian Spirituality. The section that I was reading was painting an image of who Ignatius of Loyola was in order to better understand the context behind the development of Ignatian Spirituality. Lonsdale puts forth four different images that he believes Ignatius was or used along his spiritual journey and in the development of his spirituality. These in order of their appearance are: the would-be romantic hero, the courtier-solider, the pilgrim, and the evangelizer. Admittedly, at the time of writing this I have yet to read the last image of evangilzer. However, I wanted to stop to take some time to reflect on the image of St. Ignatius as the Pilgrim for a few reasons. First, this image in particular is very insightful and one of the most important to Ignatius himself (he referred to himself as "the Pilgrim" while telling his life story to a fellow Jesuit who would later compose a text dedicated to it) thus it inherently holds some significance to St. Ignatius' understanding of himself. Second, the theme of trusting God and the struggle that comes with that is evidently present in this image which relates in some sense to my previous post. Third, the relationship between discernment and freedom is not only crucial to Ignatian Spirituality but an excellent topic to reflect on regardless. While I'm not going to touch on the first point, I will be touching on the following two as I feel they relate well to the service all JV's are about to embark upon.

"Ignatius' pilgrimage of course was more than just a physical journey inspired by a desire to see and touch the places where Jesus had lived. He was also a pilgrim of the spirit" (Londsdale 47).

Londsdale notes that as a pilgrim of the spirit Ignatius was, "...a time when Ignatius was surrendering to God the control of his own life. He was learning to allow himself to be led by God." Of course like any pilgrimage it was not easy as St. Ignatius struggled between a natural tendency to slip into anxiety and trusting in God. Londsdale provides many examples which truly illustrate the height of the saint's anxiety. After giving up everything in an attempt to fully trust in God on his physical pilgrimage to Jerusalem, he would become anxious over whether or not he should save a biscuit from a meal for the journey ahead or if he should leave it behind. The anxiety was caused by his fear that by taking the biscuit he was failing to trust that God would provide for him. That's wicked intense. Probably more intense than I would normally worry about things. However! That is besides the point; the point is that he suffered through this struggle and in the end forced himself to trust in God. He probably did something along the lines of, "Heck, I have no clue what's going to happen but hey, screw it! I'll do it, and I'm giving it up to You." Maybe not that exact wording but I would reckon the stress and anxiety were present. The result of his trusting in God was that he made it and more importantly it informed his future decision-making during the beginning years of the Society of Jesus. In essence his pilgrimage of spirit and his trust in God helped cultivate a desire to, "find the will of God and have the courage to carry it out."

Well what is the will of God? How does one determine that? Understand it and then attempt to fulfill it? Well this is where the second point comes in: the relationship between discernment and freedom. If I had to answer, "What is discernment?" I'd propose that discernment is the decision-making process of discipleship. Whether the decision in question is in regards to morals, vocation, etc; it is still a part of our call to be disciples of Christ. At times discernment is very tough and very scary as is the journey of discipleship. When I was on team for a retreat, I gave a talk on discipleship and there's a tidbit that I feel fits in well here. In regards to the scary journey of discipleship and the fear that can be experienced when trusting in God, 

"But this is part of the journey of discipleship. It isn't easy by any means; it is a very demanding way of life. But it is the progress of a process, of a journey. It is progress upon a path that everyone travels upon in which we find our true selves; picking up our crosses and following Christ."

So what's the deal here? Well discernment, the decision-making part of this process of discipleship goes together with freedom,

"If the pilgrimage was an education in discernment it was also an education in freedom; the two go together. If the pilgrim is at the mercy of changing circumstances, it is also true that he or she has the freedom of the open road: to choose which direction to take, how quickly or slowly to move, when to travel and when to stay" (Lonsdale 49).

Put the two quotes together. Discipleship is a demanding and progressing journey upon which we discover ourselves through the freedom of choice through discernment, the crosses we carry along the way, and ultimately following Christ. That what we are doing as JVs. We are having to trust in God despite whatever anxieties or struggles we have that He will provide for us and that all will turn out well. However, that does not remove the responsibility of discernment and freedom of choice which we must make as we make our way through our time in service and the rest of our lives afterwards. So I guess in connection with my last post, the difficulties of not trying to plan out ones life, trusting in God that all will work out fulfills itself in the freedom we express during discernment, in the opportunities we take and those we don't.

Well I think that's enough for today, as always thanks for reading! Prayers for Jessica, Michael and I are always appreciated as we begin our JVC journey in SoDak together in a mere 9 days! Wicked crazy and wicked cool. As always God bless!

Too Excited For My Own Good? Possibly.

So I'm sitting here at 10:40 PM in my kitchen in Leominster, Massachuestts eating a bowl of store-brand Cheereos with blueberries and milk, listening to the Pacific Rim soundtrack since I'm sort of obsessed with it at the moment. However, is there something I'm more obsessed with than Pacific Rim? Well, as unbelievable as it may seem, yes (look, it's a fantastic movie, probably the best one I've seen all summer). JVC is a mere ten, count them 10, days away. By the time I'm done with this post it could very well be only 9 days. The point is, for the past couple weeks I have been constantly, and I mean that almost literally, thinking about JVC. Granted in some ways it has been stressful in terms of gathering my things, shipping them off, making sure I don't forget anything, finalize insurance stuff...none of which I've fully completed yet.

However, the point I'm trying to illustrate here, is that I am really excited for JVC and as awesome as that is, I'm beginning to think it might not be for my own good. Now, you can ask, "What do you mean?" since JVC is probably (I'm willing to bet on it) going to be a wicked defining year for me. How can I be too excited about such an incredible experience? Well the very reason it is so exciting is the very reason why I'm afraid of being too excited. Let me explain.

Embarking upon this journey with the Jesuit Volunteer Corps is going to be life-changing. How? I can't tell you because I don't know that yet and the Big Man hasn't let that cat out of the bag. However, the reason there is any chance that JVC is going to have such an impact is because I've been trying to cultivate a very open attitude. I'm not thinking about after JVC; people ask me about that a lot and all I respond with is, "I don't know and that doesn't matter right now." In fact, trying to figure out what happens after JVC before JVC has even started isn't very open. Immediately, that becomes planning, and planning in this case is shutting the doors of various opportunities before they've even been presented. If you know me pretty well, at about this point you're probably asking, "Who's posting this right now? Surely this isn't Mike." Well, I don't know who Surely is but this is Mike. I've always been trying to plan my life out. It's always been, I'll do this, then this, then this, then that, and so on. Heck the reason I even considered JVC was for grad school. It was all a part of the bigger scheme I thought of and told the world. The funny part about that scheme is that it never remained the same. It always was changing which I think says something about trying to plan out your life.

So this has been a difficult process of opening up and saying, "I don't know what the heck is going to happen, but screw it. I'll do it and give it all up to You." As vulgar as that sounds talking to God, God's a friend and sometimes you just gotta open those floodgates for your friends to hear. Now, I'd say there are two reasons I've been able to make this transition from having to try and plan everything to the freeing notion of giving it up and just living in the present moment. First, was the JVC interview process. Talking with the various JVC staff really forced me to open up as they were always encouraging us to be open as a part of the discernment process (or any discernment process for that matter). That was a struggle while looking at placements. I wanted to be in Boston, MA close to Boston College where I wanted to go to graduate school. Also close to home in the event my family needed help with Kevin, my Autistic brother who was very high on the spectrum. Immediately I saw no ministerial positions in New England. The only one was at Cristo Rey Philadelphia with the Camden, NJ community. So I opened up a bit and decided anywhere along the East Coast is fine. So, I thought I wanted that position but I didn't want to live in Camden. I had also selected the St. Francis Outreach Mission but didn't give it much thought because it wasn't on the East Coast. I saw South Dakota and had a no thanks attitude...until I looked at their website. First with my campus minister and then on my own. I saw that website and I just got amped, like wicked pumped. It was totally the Holy Spirit a-movin' no doubt. But I had to get over the whole East Coast thing, so I opened up some more and finally decided I didn't care where geographically I ended up. After a nerve racking wait for my interview list, St. Francis was there and then the two weeks of interviews, phone call meetings and patiently waiting. It came down to St. Francis and Star of Hope in Houston, TX. It was clear to me which I felt was the better fit for me but I kept telling myself and the JVC staff member that was working with me that I was open to wherever I was needed most. Waiting for the call was killer and I missed it because of a senior awards brunch I was attending. The voicemail said good news, which meant St. Francis. I was open and I was placed where I honestly believed where I needed to be.

The second thing that helped me through that process was a very good friend of mine, Jon. Jon is a seminarian with the Edmundites and in a lot of ways is someone I look up to spiritually. Jon and I occasionally talked about stuff we've struggled with (which seem to be very similar in most respects) or have noticed about Catholicism, society, Saint Mike's, etc. He always talked about the freedom of not planning everything, about being open and I saw how that worked out for him. Let's just say it's worked out really really well because when you put God at the helm how can it end bad? But he helped me understand that being open and giving the wheel to God can result in amazing, life changing things. Thankfully, Jon's always reminding me of that! Point and case, Jon with the help of JVC, helped me let go of having to plan everything.

So what's all of this have to do with being too excited for my own good? Well, let me put it this way: I'm so excited about JVC that I'm always thinking about it. Well what does thinking about it mean? In my case I just imagine what will it be like? What will SoDak look like? How will I feel? and so on and so forth. That's what's so dangerous. From those thoughts comes expectations. One begins to expect to feel a certain way, or think things will go one way or another. With that expectation it becomes much harder to be open because in an almost unknowingly and subconscious way...that's planning. So I might be too excited for my own good as I unknowingly barrier myself from opportunities that haven't arrived yet. I'll admit it is tough just because 10 days feels like a very long time at this point. So it's a tough balance between patience and excitement. Something I clearly need more practice with. So these next 10 days will give me a lesson in patience that I'd rather not have. Oh well, gotta be open!

On a wildly different note, I made a Twitter today (I honestly don't care for Twitter at all) with the sole purpose of following the Pope (Pontifex). Catholic Nerd and proud of it!

As always thanks for reading! Prayers for Jessica, Michael, and myself are always welcomed and appreciated as we begin our JVC journey in 10 days! God Bless!

Daily Wisdom from St. Augustine: July 20th & 21st

I have a excellent beautiful little book. It's one of those daily quotes/inspiration books. However, as one might suspect from the title of this post, it's all Augustine, all the time. It's called: Augustine Day by Day compiled and edited by John E. Rotelle, O.S.A. (Order of St. Augustine). In the words my good friend Jon would say about such things, "It's a gem." Essentially, the book provides a quote from St. Augustine followed by a prayer and they are all his words from various works, commentaries, etc. In particular the entries for this past weekend were in a way thematically connected. Go figure they're also connected to serving with JVC (note, I'm not complaining!).

The entry for July 20th, entitled Two Kinds of People reads as follows,

"Essentially, there are two kinds of people, because there are two kinds of love. One is holy the other is selfish. One is subject to God; the other endeavors to equal Him.
One is friendly; the other is envious. One wishes for the neighbor what it would wish for itself; the other wishes to subject the neighbor to itself. One guides the neighbor in the interests of the neighbor's good; the other guides the neighbor for its own interests."
-The Literal Meaning of Genesis 11, 15

 What distinction between these two kinds of love is the object. The first, which is God (which can be fulfilled through love for the other; think about Matthew 25:40 from my first post). The second, which is of the self (love corrupted by pride, noted by St. Augustine as the original sin in the Adam and Eve story). To refer to my first post where I quote St. Augustine who says in essence true happiness and satisfaction can only be found in God seems to fit in well here. The loving and pursuit of God which is holy and manifests itself in the service of others brings that fulfilling happiness. While the pursuits of loving the self which manifest themselves in the pursuit of worldly idols that we use to make ourselves "happy." Of course this happiness isn't true happiness as it is perhaps an emotive response to change. I've gained something, I've done something, I've acquired something, I've gain respect from something. All of these things, changes, are temporal. They don't exist, the enter into existence and then cease to exist. When they cease to exist, or the excitement of their initial existence (which itself is temporal) we search for something new to replace it. Whereas God is eternal and possesses none of these temporal qualities. I will stop my theological ranting on this topic here as I don't feel like representing my thesis on time. The point is JVC requires that holy and pure love from its volunteers. Not only does it require it, I will go as far to say I believe JVC gives its JVs many opportunities to explore, experiment, discover, practice and implement that kind of love. Through service, the practice and execution of its four core values: spirituality, community, simple living, and social justice.

Now the second tidbit of daily wisdom from St. Augustine was from today, the 21st (exactly two weeks from my departure). It's focus is connected to simple living and community, two of the four JVC core values and is entitled The Devil's Entry: Cupidity and Fear which reads as follows,

"Now the devil does not seduce or influence anyone unless he finds that person already somewhat similar to himself. He finds someone coveting something and cupidity opens the door for the devil's suggestion to enter.
The devil finds someone fearing something and he advises that person to flee what is feared. By these two door, cupidity and fear, the devil gains entry."
-Semon 12, 11

First off, cupidity, greed for money or possessions is the common theme here between the two daily quotes. Both relate to pride or love of the self and how that prevents us from moving towards God. With that noted how does this quote relate to simple-living and community? First off, cupidity and simple-living have a clear connection. If you take a vow of simple living you consciously remove the drive and goal to acquire material possessions for as I just said it prevents the pursuit of God. In particular to service, this obstacle to the pursuit of God manifests itself as selfish love from the first quote. The pride-based love of selfishness which inhibits one to serve others, engage in holy love, effectively. Now, granted I'm not saying it's impossible to pursue one's own interests and serve, but in the context of a year of total dedication to service, this core value and vow are extremely important.

Secondly, addressing this issue of cupidity is important for the other core value of community. For if once again there is this engagement in selfishness among a community, how can the community flourish? Community is about engagement with others through that holy love. A community supports one another, sacrifices for one another and cares for one another. That can't be effectively done in an intentional community when one is distracted by the cupidity of selfish love.

However, the connection to community is also to fear. Fear is a real thing, especially in the particular situation of living in an intentional community with a bunch of strangers you've never met. The fear factor comes from that sense of vulnerability. In order to be a community, there needs to be that vulnerability that manifests itself in trust which is not an easy thing to truly develop. Additionally fear of a new place and responsibilities of intentional communal life and the service assignment can make be a fear generator. Two points: first, the purpose of community is support. While tough at first community is there to support its members (think of the Body of Christ in the Catholic Church) though the diversity of skills, knowledge, experiences, etc. Thus the fear, the desire to run away and hide are much harder to overcome alone than in community for the most part (granted I would admit there are probably exceptions to that). Thus part of the purpose of community is to overcome those struggles together. Which leads me to my second point, spirituality. For those times where community isn't fully developed yet, spirituality, one's relationship with God, is crucial. Also spirituality as a community is also another way to overcome those challenges.

That's my reflection for the evening as the stress of needing to pack and finalize some last minute JVC things begins to set in. With only 2 weeks left I'm hoping for time to fly. As always, prayers for Jessica, Mike and myself are always appreciated as we are soon to begin our journey together with many other JV's across the country and in other parts of the world. Thanks for reading and God bless!

Contemplation and Action: Two Sides that make up the Coin of Discipleship

I was listening to Sermon 654 of Fr. Robert Baron's audio sermon collection on his website Word on Fire. This particular sermon was for the 16th Sunday of Ordinary Time and reflected upon the gospel story of Mary and Martha where Martha is hustling around the kitchen while Mary sits at the feet of Jesus. The sermon is very good and I recommend taking a listen as I don't plan on giving a play by play of the whole thing.

However, there were two points or themes from the sermon that caught my attention. First the relationship between contemplation (Mary) and action (Martha) in light of the Christian tradition. Second, was how this relationship (and Jesus in His teachings in general) challenged social norms/culture of the greater society. In particular these themes drew my attention in relationship to the year of service I am about to embark upon. However, before seeing the connection I think short elaboration would be helpful.

In relation to the relationship between contemplation and action in the Christian tradition, Fr. Robert Barron makes many excellent points, many of which I am about to reiterate to some extent. Primarily in today's society, it is good to be busy. It's all about the "go go go" and accomplishing as many tasks, errands, assignments, and work as possible. That isn't inherently bad, being productive can be, well, productive. However, in the Christian context, being all "go go go" like Martha isn't necessarily productive. On the contrary it can be very counter-productive...at least all by itself. Fr. Baron points out that contemplation is an essential piece of the Christian lifestyle. For it is through contemplation we listen to God, we consider the calling and will of God. Through this process of contemplation not only do we gain direction for our discipleship but we gain harmony as well. This later bit I can personally attest to, when I fail to make time to devote towards contemplation, I loose rhythm and I loose touch with both God and myself. In the abbreviated words of St. Augustine, our hearts are restless until they rest in Him.

So how does contemplation relate to action? Well as I've already said, direction of our discipleship for one thing. But also contemplation allows for the greater fulfillment of action. However, it's worth noting that contemplation isn't necessarily understanding or having an answer, sometimes we just have to live the questions posed in our contemplation with hope and faith that one day we'll find ourselves living the answers. But back to what I was initially going to say which was that action informed by contemplation is action where God becomes central.

Why am I doing JVC? I heard about JVC through an information session at Boston College regarding their M.Div program at the STM. Well my initial action to do JVC admittedly had to do with my graduate education. However, committing a year of my life to living in a spiritual and simple manner with a community while seeking social justice through the lens of Catholicism just so I could get a graduate degree didn't compute. There had to be something else and contemplation has been the process to reveal that to me. I dare not say I have the answer because I totally don't.This is one of those times in my life where I have to live the question in hopes that one day I will discover myself living the answer. However, this much I know, JVC will be life-changing. How, I cannot fully say although I have my suspicions. Whatever happens during my year of JVC, will happen because I am now aware of the possibility of them because of contemplation. Contemplation has added a whole new dimension to my action, my decision to do JVC.

So what about the counter-cultural nature of this relationship minus the religious aspect of it? Well as I've already said, contemplation challenges the notion that one must always be on the go. Rather it proposes time to stop, think, consider, and reflect. I'd even push as far to say it challenges us to rest, to take a break from action altogether. For how can one effectively contemplate and act when one is burnt out and tired? God gave us the Sabbath to rest, not to make time and a half at work like society urges us to. While the choice is ours, one choice is the pursuit of something worldly, temporal, and as suggested by Lumen fidei idolatrous (for a commentary on the document click here). The other choice, however, is one in the pursuit of the one thing that will give our restless hearts rest and the one thing that will fill that inevitable emptiness in our hearts and bring us true joy. Talk about counter-cultural.

As always thanks for reading. Thoughts and prayers for Jessica, Michael, and myself are always welcome. Thanks and God Bless!

Counting down...

It's July 16th and my flight out of Logan International Airport (Boston) is on August 4th. That's 19 days until my year long journey with the Jesuit Volunteer Corps begins. I am for the lack of better words, extremely excited. If you want more details about my time there I encourage you to check out the fundraising page where I discuss my responsibility and have links to various things and opportunities (feel free to donate if you wish, but of course no pressure!).

In preparation (or at least in an attempt to prepare) for my departure I've been looking through a book by David Lonsdale called Eyes to See, Ears to Hear: An Introduction to Ignatian Spirituality. My campus minister had given me the book and I decided peeking through it to review Igntian Spirituality definitely couldn't hurt considering it's a huge part of JVC. While I was only reading the introduction there was so much incredible information regarding Ignatian Spirituality. However, the preface titled Preface to the Series (this book is a part of the Traditions of Christian Spirituality Series) really caught my attention.

Composed by Philip Sheldrake (Sarum College, Salisbury), the editor of the seires, he introduces the notion of spirituality in a Christian context while noting the challenges and advantages of composing such a book series. In the process he notes the issue of defining spirituality, especially in a era where spirituality and religion seemed to grow further and further a part. However, his response to this question in regards to the series hits the nail on the head in regards to spirituality in the Christian context:

"Historically, 'spirituality' has been imposed on the experience and a wide range of values and practices...No single definition of 'spirituality' has been imposed on the authors in this series. Yet, despite the breadth of the series there is a sense of a common core in the writers themselves and in the traditions they describe. All Christian spiritual traditions have their source in three things. First, while drawing on ordinary experience and even religious insights from elsewhere, Christian spiritualities are rooted in the scriptures and particularly the Gospels. Second, spiritual traditions are not derived from abstract theory but from attempts to live out gospel values in a positive yet critical way with specific historical and cultural contexts. Third, the experiences and insights of individuals and groups are not isolated but are related to the wider Christian tradition of beliefs, practices, and community life. From a Christian perspective, spirituality is not just concerned with prayer or even with narrowly religious activities. It concerns the whole of human life, viewed in terms of a conscious relationship with God, in Jesus Christ, through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit within a community of believers." 

I could not think of a better way to describe what Christian Spirituality is. Better yet, Ignatian Spirituality (being a form of Christian Spirituality) is very visible in this description, or at least from my experience. Consequently it makes sense that a core value of JVC's mission, a Catholic service organization, would be "Spirituality." Just thinking about it gets me wicked amped (being a theology nerd and all)! But back to the point, I believe this adds a certain level of depth to the service Jesuit Volunteers participate in. If we look at the fact, as noted by Sheldrake, spirituality is rooted in scripture, primarily the Gospel. In conjunction with how the traditions are derived from an attempt to live out those gospel values, service becomes a part of the spirituality practiced. Ignatian Spirituality is all about being contemplatives in action. This interwoven connection is visible in some popular scripture regarding service from the Gospel of Matthew 25:40 "The King will reply, 'Truly, I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine you did for me."

A final quote from my favorite theologian and saint, St. Augustine of Hippo. From his work Faith, Hope and Charity (can you see the themes of Christianity from 1 Corinthians 13?) or the Enchiridion. He says,

"Now, once the mind has been endowed with the beginning of faith which works through love, it tends through right living to attain to sight where dwells for the holy and perfect of heart that ineffable beauty, the full vision of which constitutes supreme happiness."

First note for St. Augustine, the mind and the soul were connected in such a way that the mind was an organ of the soul in a sense. But essentially what St. Augustine is saying here is that happiness is found in God through faith working through love, etc. I won't dive too deep since I also don't have the rest of the text with me at the moment. But connect this with Christian spirituality; living the gospel, seeing God in the everyday, contemplatives in action with true happiness is found in God who just happens to be love. Theologically speaking, this upcoming year is going to be wicked awesome...both theologically and non-theologically.

So I'm a bit excited and didn't expect to write (or quote) as much as I did. Regardless, this upcoming year is going to be awesome, challenging, difficult, revealing, loving, and life changing as I go with my fellow Jesuit Volunteers, Jessica and Mike to South Dakota, to serve among the Lakota Sioux. Keep us in your prayers!