Cultural Experience to Res Fever: Can't Run Anymore

So we've been here just over a week and it's felt like we've been here for almost a month already. Moving onto the Rosebud Reservation (also known as "The Res") feels nothing short of moving to a foreign country. On one hand there is the immense poverty, struggles with alcoholism, addiction and abuse of marijuana, meth, heroin, painkillers, and other pills. However, that's only half of the equation; the native culture on the Res completes the foreign country feel. For example, handshaking is not an original part of native culture and thus are treated differently. In American society a firm handshake show confidence, initiative, and other good ol' American values. On the Res, that is seen as aggressive and a soft handshake is the norm for the handshake is an offering of peace between individuals and thus should be taken, peacefully. There is also eye-contact; during our JVC orientation we did an exercise that emphasized making eye-contact when speaking and ministering to people. However, on the Res, making eye-contact during conversation is considered disrespectful, especially when done to an elder. Thus one generally looks down and nods and occasionally glances towards the speaker to acknowledge that one is listening. So trying to navigate just those seemingly small cultural changes has been incredibly difficult. To top it off, this is only the tip of the iceberg, just being on the Res without interaction feels like being in a different country. Clearly we the JVs are foreigners and aliens here.

However, Jessica, Mike, and I were honored very early on in our stay as we were invited to traditional naming ceremony where a young man about our age received his Indian name. The ceremony was outside and took place on walkway circle painted with a medicine wheel on the ground. There was native drumming, the passing of burning sage which acted as a purification ritual followed by a spiritual leader who lead the ceremony mostly in the traditional Lakota language. We prayed in the 6 directions while one of the men running the ceremony was holding an eagle feather which was given to the young man receiving his name at the end. It was to be used during times of serious prayer only. After this we moved indoors for what could be called nothing short of a feast with much food which was all provided by the family of the young man. Guests brought nothing. Then there was what is known as a give-away where the family of the young man gives away things to honor people that had an impact on the young man's life. We three JVs were surprised to be honored with a small gift. We had done nothing yet and were clearly riding on the coat-tails of the previous JVs. Nonetheless it was a fantastic honor, even though the gifts were not extravagant, that is besides the point. Then after that the give away continues with smaller gifts given to everyone including those already honored. So we went with nothing and walked away with quite a bit of stuff. It felt very backwards to the American social norms we were used to.

It actually got to the point last Sunday that we all just caught a small case of Res fever. We drove almost an hour into Valentine to fine the city shut down and so we got ice cream. We spend over a couple of hours out of state just to get some ice cream. Honestly that kind of absurd. So we ended up momentarily kinda letting loose by having a dance party in our kitchen...which got kinda crazy...and it's not even winter yet.

Combining this massive culture shock, which includes geographical culture shock with people I've just met (however, they are both fantastic, wonderful, caring, and intentional people who will do great work on the Res) and the fact that the closest real town is almost an hour away meaning there is nothing to do has been tough...just like that sentence. I've found myself seriously struggling ever since arriving at orientation with some serious feelings of desolation (how 'bout that Ignatian spirituality right there, eh?). Of course to my surprise these feelings amplified on the Res and I couldn't figure my thoughts and emotions out. However, with the wise wisdom of my friend Jon, some reflection, discussion with some of the Jesuits here on the Res, and some prayer my picture of emotions and what not has become much clearer to me. In a lot of ways, I'm becoming clearer to myself which I expect will be in flux throughout the year. However, back to the point, I came to an astonishing conclusion: I've been so busy the past 4 years of my life in college that I was never fully in touch with myself, my thoughts, or my feelings. I just filled my life with things to do and as a result I ran from the questions without even realizing it.

Furthermore, my relationship with God became founded in doing rather than being. Doing things (whether for the Church, campus ministry, etc) defined my relationship with God rather than my very being. This became extremely clear as I'm not doing as much since there isn't as much to do (...yet, which I'll have to be careful of). This was horrifyingly eye opening and in a lot of ways forced me to rethink where I was spiritually and my relationship with God. On the one hand this was relieving as it put a lot of questions and fears I had been worrying about into perspective. However, on the other hand it forced me to ask some really tough questions like: "How distant am I from God?" (not how distant God is from me) and even more difficult, "Do I truly love God?" Now that doesn't mean that I hate God; it's not a matter of opposites or extremes. Rather, love, being the act of putting benefit, goodwill, etc of another in front of one's own desires, goodwill, benefit, etc. A kind of fulfilling and willing self-sacrifice where one is not totally focused on one's self but on another or others. In my mind (and no, not in my perfectionist ways) I have clearly failed to love God as I've been wrapped up in my own desires of the many fears and questions that I had been running away from. Perhaps I did good works and things during that time of business, but this does not excuse my failure to truly love. Granted I dare not think that I'll one day fully and perfectly do that, being imperfect and all. But this is a striking realization which will take much time to digest, process, be molded by, and hopefully (God willing) grow from. So combining the shock of living on the Res with no one I've known for more than a few weeks while trying to work through this major spiritual challenge has been to say the very least, overwhelming.

However, navigating this challenge and finding some sort of solitude in order to be present to my community, Jessica and Mike, and the greater community could not have been possible without scripture. So I'd like to share some scripture that provided some significant light in navigating this dark winding road:

First there was Matthew 6:8:

"So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him."

Which is on one hand comforting in the fact that God will provide but also in a way its a relinquish of control, something rather difficult for me. Then there was Isaiah 49: 16 (which I received in a letter in which it wasn't an exact quote but loosely based in Isaiah, and nevertheless very helpful):

"Behold, I have inscribed you on the palm of My hands; your walls are continual before Me."

This then lead me to Isaiah 42: 16:

"And I will lead the blind

   in a way that they know not,

in paths that they have not known

   I will guide them

I will turn the darkness before them into light

   the rough places into level ground.

These are things I will do

   and I will not forsake them."

 Both Isaiah passages have a similar message of not only God being present but also that we can trust in God as well. In terms of making sense of the struggles, a segment from Tuesday Night Prayer and then some helps explain in some understanding, 1 Peter 5: 6-10:

"Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that in due time He may exalt you, casting all your anxiety on him, for he cares about you. Be sober, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking some one to devour. Resist him firm in your faith, knowing that the same experience of suffering is required of your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, establish, and strengthen you. 

A combination of comfort yet also understanding of how God takes advantage of our suffering to form us as better people. My good friend Jon used the example of a goldsmith purifying gold. First, the gold is heated until it is almost boiling, and this brings up all of the impurities and crud in the gold which is then scrapped away. This process is repeated over and over until the gold is pure. At which point it is cooled and polished until the face of the goldsmith is reflected in it. So that is some of the scripture that helped me reflect and felt it was worth sharing although it isn't in order of encounter, however that isn't that important.

On a lighter note, today was our first day of DJ radio training which was exciting for everyone! So as always prayers for Jessica, Mike, and myself are always welcomed and appreciated! Thanks for reading (sorry for the length!) and God Bless!